I realised that I've been posting some odd, cryptic journals as of late, and they might not make sense to everyone, therefore, here is my life as of late:

I graduated from MIAD in May, $65,000 (or so) in debt, with the promise that my degree would get me a magical new job right away.

In July I finally got a temp job. It ended three months later. It wasn't even long enough to get me unemployment checks. I've been looking for a job, and applying for just about everything I can find since then. No one will even give me an interview, as my BFA has rendered me either overqualified or underqualified for EVERY JOB IN THE UNIVERSE, and I don't have the skill, talent, or moxie to cut it as an artist (as I was told everyday in art school for the past 4 years). Regardless, I continue to search for work. Mostly since my massive student loan debt comes due on Dec. 1st which is...let's see...two weeks from now. Yeah.

I have also learned, through much trial and error, and some near misses, that the new big business here in the states is scamming people who are looking for jobs, and brother, business is a-boomin'.

So yesterday, I go to order some new checks, and when I check my bank account, I find out that not only do I not have money, but I'm about $130 in the hole. So, frantic, I call my mom, and the bank, and this morning she put some of my emergency savings bonds in my account.

After I call my mom, my Dad calls me, and asks me what's going on, and I start bawling and sobbing and telling him that I have no job and no money and I don't want to be an artist anymore, etc, etc. After about fifteen minutes of crying he calms me down.

Oh, and I still haven't ordered my new checks. I really need them. I only have three left.

On top of all this, I have a nasty case of Thoracic Outlet Syndrome, which is an ailment in my right (and of course dominant) arm, shoulder, neck, and upper chest, in which the muscles have become so tight that they can't relax and they are compressing my nerves and blood flow. It makes my arm incredibly weak (on bad days I can't even hold a pencil) not to mention that it's constantly and excruciatingly painful. Oh, and if I can't stop and reverse the damage, I will slowly and painfully lose the use of my arm, and maybe even the arm itself. My roommate (who is a massage therapist by day, artist by night) is trying to help treat me, but I don't have health insurance, so I can't see a doctor or physical therapist, and I can't get anything stronger than asprin for it.

Add to this that since high school, I've had a debilitating migrane headache every few days, that are generally so bad that I can't get out of bed for at least a day, sometimes several. I also have stress induced insomnia, stress induced indigestion, and now I'm having trouble breathing (no doubt stress-induced.)

So, yeah, that's about it. Amazingly, I, the eternal pessimist, have managed to keep my chin up and a stiff upper lip. I think that I'm just too desperate to be anything but positive right now.